I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
