Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
