I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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