Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
