His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
