Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
