That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
