This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
