He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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