Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
