Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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