So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
