I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
porn star boner night. come get it.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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