If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
