Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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