Barsexuality is the new black.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
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