i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
