These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
