Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
