so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
