Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
