what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
