Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
