someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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