So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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