i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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