Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I skipped work to stalk him.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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