he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
