i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
