ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
