Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
