my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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