i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
