I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
