Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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