just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
