I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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