guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
