you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
