I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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