My hand turned me down
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
