There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
whose ass print is on the piano?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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