My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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