I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
