If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
