she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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