Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
