I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
