Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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