Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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