Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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