had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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